yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
