im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
