That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
