Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
