her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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