is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
