Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
