I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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