If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
