They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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