My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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