i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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