I cannot find my penis.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
