i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You can't special order awesome
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
