I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
