i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
MIDGETS
????
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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