mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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