Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
