finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize