soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
