the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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