dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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