Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
