dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
