I CAN MOONWALK!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
