They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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