you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
