She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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