went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
