Can i not drive my cunt home
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
