Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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