fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
