This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
