did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
