Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
