I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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