Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
