there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
