is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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