I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
