You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am naked and annoyed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
