Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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