I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
