so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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