the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
