his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
