got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
