So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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