Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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