I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
