good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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