i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
