21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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