Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
