Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
