I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
