I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
