so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
