there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
