I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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