Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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