I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
