splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
