You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
