im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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