I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
