forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize