Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
