she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
