Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
