Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
