You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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