I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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