ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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