make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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