you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
