No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
