chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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