i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize