Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
