Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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