I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
