Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
