you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
