Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
