4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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