i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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