Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
