girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
