dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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