dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
should my penis look like a turkey
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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