She said her name was "party"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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