just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
