smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
