Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
