Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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