so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
