Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
