Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
