She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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