nut hugger
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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