i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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