Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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