Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize