the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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